Well, The Zombie Apocalypse Is Finally Upon Us

May 27th, 2012

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Get those boards and nails ready to barricade the doors and windows, grab as much powdered food as you can and load up on the ammo because it appears the zombie apocalypse has begun.

You read that right.

To the surprise of no one, it started in Florida...

The Miami Herald reports:

"According to police sources, a road ranger saw a naked man chewing on another man’s face and shouted on his loud speaker for him to back away. Meanwhile, a woman also saw the incident and flagged down a police officer who was in the area.

The officer, who has not been identified, approached and, seeing what was happening, also ordered the naked man to back away. When he continued the assault, the officer shot him, police sources said. The attacker failed to stop after being shot, forcing the officer to continue firing. Witnesses said they heard at least a half dozen shots." EMPHASIS OURS

We always knew it would happen this way. In every one of the films we apparently should have taken much more seriously there is just such a report in the background. Sometimes it's carried along the crackle of a radio. Other times it's a "breaking story" seen partially while someone is flipping through TV channels. And no one pays attention.

I am pleased to say that most of the folks I know and many in the commenting public aren't making that mistake. It's clear that the end is nigh and precautions must be taken so we hopefully don't have to double-tap grandma.

Also, there are serious tools at our disposal. A little over a year ago, the CDC published a piece (we flagged it HERE) titled "Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse." No, I am not making this up.

We can only hope that the victim is being properly monitored at this time. That's usually how these things get out of control.

In any event, if we keep our heads, science tells us that we stand a pretty good chance. Wired reported a few years ago on a study out of the University of Ottawa department of mathematics which gave reasonable odds for civilization's survival provided that we "hit hard and hit often." However...

"If the timescale of the outbreak increases, then the result is the doomsday scenario: an outbreak of zombies will result in the collapse of civilization, with every human infected, or dead. This is because human births and deaths will provide the undead with a limitless supply of new bodies to infect, resurrect and convert."

The biggest enemy may be official denial. MSN reports:

"Police haven't released any details about the people involved, but they speculate the alleged face-eater might have been suffering from "cocaine psychosis."

Uh huh.

As a musician who's toured extensively, I've seen plenty of "cocaine psychosis" and it never involved eating people's faces or being nearly impervious to firearms.

At least not that I recall.

That's why I am urging all of you to plan for the worst. Review the important educational materials extensively.

And, if you are bitten? Please tell your fellow survivors. They'll know what to do.