Things We Can't Make Up

Sept 19th, 2012

The world sure is going to hell.

Lately, it seems like just about anything is possible provided, of course, that it's miserably ill-conceived and will lead to more misery. It was with this in mind that I avoided the morning presser with Jay Carney. I just couldn't do it. I needed a break from it all while I deal with more immediate crises such as the looming prospect of living in my car while thousands of people steal my music on the internet.

Upon my return to the computer, this was the first thing I saw...

Well. Okay then.

Along with most folks, I wondered if some new Onion/Politico nexus had formed.

Then it struck me. Not everyone would find this absurd. So devoted are the haters, the reactionaries and the outright loons that debate has probably already begun in earnest somewhere over when the attack will begin.

"Yeah, laugh now. You won't be laughing when the tanks roll through WaWa, Ontario and the bombs start falling on Dildo, Newfoundland."

Yes. There is a Dildo, Newfoundland.

Sleep tight and, as Abraham Lincoln so wisely warned, "don't believe everything you read on the internet."

A Little Liberal Catharsis

Nov 19th, 2011

Hello liberal friends and, well, everyone from Sullivan to Frum to Bartlett, etc... Feeling down? The insane machinations of a mouthbreathing American Republican Party have you in fits? Well, here's your moment to bask in a little cathartic it-could-be-worse-type-stuff. The European Union, that forward thinking body, has struck a blow against corporate speech... there's just one hitch...

Actual headline from a real place in the "civilized West"

Via The Telegraph:

"EU officials concluded that, following a three-year investigation, there was no evidence to prove the previously undisputed fact.

Producers of bottled water are now forbidden by law from making the claim and will face a two-year jail sentence if they defy the edict, which comes into force in the UK next month.

Last night, critics claimed the EU was at odds with both science and common sense. Conservative MEP Roger Helmer said: "This is stupidity writ large.

"The euro is burning, the EU is falling apart and yet here they are: highly-paid, highly-pensioned officials worrying about the obvious qualities of water and trying to deny us the right to say what is patently true.

"If ever there were an episode which demonstrates the folly of the great European project then this is it."

We shit you not. Water, as officially designated by the EU, does not, repeat, does not prevent dehydration. Sleep tight.

Next on their docket? Gravity, the pernicious rumor that things "fall."