Zombie Apocalypse Update

June 1st, 2012

There isn't one. At least that's the official word from the Center for Disease Control in an e-mail to the Huffington Post.

"CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead (or one that would present zombie-like symptoms)." -- CDC spokesperson David Daigle.

Frankly, in light of recent events, I'd feel better if there was.

We cracked wise about it HERE and pushed back against some high-horse criticism HERE.

We've All Been Told To Shut Up

June 1st, 2012

If you have an internet connection, it's a safe bet that you've read someone or another conflating certain recent acts of horror with the zombie apocalypse. I did. Nearly everyone I know personally has. Well, over at Jezebel, Lindy West is appalled with all of us and thinks we should be ashamed of ourselves. She writes:

"Stop. Make a new thing. But more specifically, please stop aggregating gruesome crimes committed by mentally ill and/or drug addicted people so you can make some big har-har zombie punchline on your Facebook wall. Zombies are not real. Human beings are." EMPHASIS HERS

Okay. Fine. To be fair, it never occurred to me that zombies were "real." I also agree wholeheartedly with her arguments that massive improvements need to be made to both access and funding for mental health services in our country.

But that's not her real point. She's offended at how millions of us have chosen to deal with our own fear in the face of the incomprehensible. She hedges her tirade with a "but" about how she doesn't think we should never "respond to unthinkable tragedy with macabre humor."

She just thinks we should do it when she thinks its okay to do it. Or something. With all due respect, the reason so many of us responded in the manner we did was to preserve our own mental health. This isn't some radical observation. This isn't some excuse I am making. It's established psychology. Alex Lickerman M.D. explains it better than I ever could:

"We're signaling ourselves that whatever horrible thing we've just encountered isn't really as horrible as it appears, something we often desperately want to believe.

This may explain why some psychologists classify humor as one of the "mature" defense mechanisms we invoke to guard ourselves against overwhelming anxiety (as compared to the "psychotic," "immature," and "neurotic" defense mechanisms). Being able to laugh at traumatic events in our own lives doesn't cause us to ignore them, but instead seems to prepare us to endure them."

I, for one, am not going to apologize for dealing with the media exploitation of this terrifying set of events with humor. It's also worth noting that, aside from quoting a writer in her hometown paper who blames "right wing propagandists" for the lack of resources available to the mentally ill, she doesn't address the systemic failures much and offers not one solution whatsoever.

What's more, I suffer from major depression. I have been through the process of seeking help for myself for years while I found most doors closed and others simply too expensive to walk through. Perhaps Ms. West would be kind enough to follow up her diatribe with a few pieces that would actually help us do something about that?

In the interim, if I need to laugh to survive being trapped in this particular culture, I am going to go right ahead and keep on laughing. As she pointed out herself without realizing it... there really aren't many alternatives.

Well, The Zombie Apocalypse Is Finally Upon Us

May 27th, 2012

Image via

Get those boards and nails ready to barricade the doors and windows, grab as much powdered food as you can and load up on the ammo because it appears the zombie apocalypse has begun.

You read that right.

To the surprise of no one, it started in Florida...

The Miami Herald reports:

"According to police sources, a road ranger saw a naked man chewing on another man’s face and shouted on his loud speaker for him to back away. Meanwhile, a woman also saw the incident and flagged down a police officer who was in the area.

The officer, who has not been identified, approached and, seeing what was happening, also ordered the naked man to back away. When he continued the assault, the officer shot him, police sources said. The attacker failed to stop after being shot, forcing the officer to continue firing. Witnesses said they heard at least a half dozen shots." EMPHASIS OURS

We always knew it would happen this way. In every one of the films we apparently should have taken much more seriously there is just such a report in the background. Sometimes it's carried along the crackle of a radio. Other times it's a "breaking story" seen partially while someone is flipping through TV channels. And no one pays attention.

I am pleased to say that most of the folks I know and many in the commenting public aren't making that mistake. It's clear that the end is nigh and precautions must be taken so we hopefully don't have to double-tap grandma.

Also, there are serious tools at our disposal. A little over a year ago, the CDC published a piece (we flagged it HERE) titled "Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse." No, I am not making this up.

We can only hope that the victim is being properly monitored at this time. That's usually how these things get out of control.

In any event, if we keep our heads, science tells us that we stand a pretty good chance. Wired reported a few years ago on a study out of the University of Ottawa department of mathematics which gave reasonable odds for civilization's survival provided that we "hit hard and hit often." However...

"If the timescale of the outbreak increases, then the result is the doomsday scenario: an outbreak of zombies will result in the collapse of civilization, with every human infected, or dead. This is because human births and deaths will provide the undead with a limitless supply of new bodies to infect, resurrect and convert."

The biggest enemy may be official denial. MSN reports:

"Police haven't released any details about the people involved, but they speculate the alleged face-eater might have been suffering from "cocaine psychosis."

Uh huh.

As a musician who's toured extensively, I've seen plenty of "cocaine psychosis" and it never involved eating people's faces or being nearly impervious to firearms.

At least not that I recall.

That's why I am urging all of you to plan for the worst. Review the important educational materials extensively.

And, if you are bitten? Please tell your fellow survivors. They'll know what to do.

Newt Gingrich... Zombie?

Feb 1st, 2012

Good Stuff

"Tactical Bacon"

Dec 15th, 2011

It is an actual product that Trek Tech Blog has on their wish list of "gifts for the zombie apocalypse."

You can order this wonder food HERE for just $15.95 a can.

Hurry, you never know when the dead will rise to devour the living.